Friday 29 April 2011

Mixed Lot



Helen, Daniel and I will be heading south on Sunday to stall at the annual Beccles antique street market. The weather forecast is good and we are looking forward to it.

One of the great things about our trade is that we are all (mostly) friends. The stallholders will all know each other and, although we're there to sell, it will be quite the party atmosphere. We did discuss taking a gazebo (having wimped out because of the rain last year) but actually I can't be arsed. It's not going to rain - just like it didn't rain on Kate and William today.

On that issue - wasn't the wedding wonderful? Beth and I watched most of it and I must confess to a little tear or three (see, I am a softie really). Some of my friends were dismissive of it, critical of the expense, political when faced with the romantic occasion. What sad fucks they are. If we can't celebrate love and romance as a nation then we are no nation at all.

I could write a bit more about all that or I could cuddle up with my wife on the settee. So bye bye.

Ps - see you at Beccles on Sunday.

Thursday 28 April 2011

The Cloisters Fair - offers invited



Barnes Auctioneers are today, following discussions with Norwich City Council, announcing the sale of The Cloisters antiques and collectables fair.

Gary Barnes of Barnes Auctioneers bought the fair, which is based at St Andrew's Hall, from the previous organiser back in 2007 and gradually incorporated it into his own business. However, expansion plans for the auction rooms will leave less time to manage the fair and Mr Barnes feels that the time is right to sell.

'The Cloisters Fair is a super little stand-alone business' he explained 'but it needs more attention than we have been able to give it of late. Ideally, we are looking for someone to take it on who has experience of the antiques trade but that's not essential because actually it's more about managing an event and working with people'

The antique fair has been trading in the city centre every Wednesday for almost forty years and offers an established part-time income with unlimited potential.

Mr Barnes stated 'We're looking for someone to come in with a sensible offer and won't sell unless the price is right. We're not abandoning the fair either - our business will still be based at St Andrew's Hall and we intend to continue supporting the fair working alongside the new owner'

Anyone interested in further information about the antique fair can call Mr Barnes on 01603 304337 or email barnesauctioneers@btinternet.com

Tuesday 26 April 2011

AUCTION UPDATE

Please accept our apologies for the late notice but this Thursday's General Auction including Antiques & Valuables has been moved back to next Wednesday, 4th May at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. Public viewing is from midday with the sale commencing at 2pm.
We are accepting entries all day tomorrow and Saturday at The Cloisters Fair. Please contact us on 01603 304337 or 07810 646711 or email barnesauctioneers@btinternet.com

Saturday 23 April 2011

Mixed Lot


There are few things dumber than a socialist in a polling booth but the colleague that bet £20 against me doubling my money on a broken Conway Stewart fountain pen is a prime candidate. That's because fountain pen collectors are usually retired, wealthy, and obsessive in acquisition. They are good buyers in a buoyant market and, let's be honest, the proletariat don't buy fountain pens because they can't even write. In fact, the great unwashed typically use a thumbprint to sign-on the dotted dole line. Most of us may be tightening the purse strings, but not fountain pen collectors.
Unusually, I found the pen in a charity shop in Diss. I say unusually because it's rare these days to find anything that hasn't been nicked out of the backroom of a charity shop. Five pens for £30, except that four were Bics 'Is it possible to just buy the one?' I asked the assistant.
'I'll go and ask the manager' came the reply.
Now, here is the problem - as soon as I took the loupe from my pocket and inspected the green marbled Conway Stewart fountain pen closely in front of the entire shop, it became clear to all and sundry that I was an antique dealer. The volunteer, armed with that knowledge and concerned that the shop may have missed something, went to speak to the boss. Of course, they had underestimated the pen: Conway Stewart are one of the most popular quality makes and this one had a 14ct gold nib. Even damaged, it was a good find.
The assistant returned 'We can let you have that one for £15'
There are arguments for and against negotiating with charity shops. Having worked in the charity sector for many years, I use my discretion. In this instance I simply questioned '£30 for 5 or £15 for just one?'
No negotiation was required, the volunteer instantly capitulated and the deal was done at £10. My friend and I then retired to the local where we sank a jar over three games of pool (which I shouldn't have but did win 2-1).
What did the pen make? Well, that's between me and my maker (oh, and the twit I have to go and collect my £20 from).

Thursday 21 April 2011

Mixed Lot


Five years ago today I married Beth at Seckford Hall in Suffolk. It was in every sense a dream wedding as was our honeymoon in Cuba. My platform, what I do in life, and how I am able to conduct it is only possible because of Beth. She has always supported me, even when I have let her down. She is my sanctuary - I know and trust her and love her like no other. My path is unconventional, to say the least, and many have joined me for part of the journey but none more so than her. My target is so far into the distance that I have absolutely no idea whether or not I will hit it, just an inner-belief that I will. That she allows me to take the shot at all is testament to her confidence in me. That she has confidence in me gives me confidence in us and steadies my hand. If I miss it will not be for a lack of support from her. I have no intention of missing.

Norwich Evening News Article in Full


A city antiques fair is gearing up to celebrate its 40th anniversary – and wants to hear from local people with memories of it in bygone times.
Gary Barnes, organiser of the historic Antiques and Collectables Fair at the Cloisters in St Andrew’s Hall is putting a book together to celebrate its 40-year run. By October 2012 the fair will have been held 2,000 times. The fair first began trading in October 1972 in the Old Library off Guildhall Hill in the city centre, but not much else is known about its origins.
Mr Barnes, 44, of Yarmouth Road, Thorpe St Andrew, is appealing to any local people who have come into contact with the fair and might be able to shed light on its history.
Mr Barnes said: “I believe it to have been set up by a co-operative of ten auctioneers and I have an old newspaper clipping about the fair from 1972, but it says nothing about who set it up.
“We want to know more about the history of it and the people involved in it.”
He would particularly like to draw up a list of everyone who has ever traded at the fair, which is thought to be thousands of people.
Mr Barnes runs Barnes Auctioneers of Norwich with his daughter Gemma, 21, and took on the running of the fair four years ago. Mr Barnes said the fair’s appeal lies in its variety. It also reflects the thriving vintage scene in Norwich.
His favourite memory of his years in charge is of an American woman who bought a 1970s reprint of the Domesday Book. He said: “I tried to explain that it was a copy, but she wouldn’t listen. She paid me £5 and ran out of the hall shouting to her husband ‘I just bought the Domesday Book, let’s get out of here before they realise what it’s worth!’
The fair is held every Wednesday in St. Andrew’s Hall, Norwich, from 9am-4pm and on selected Saturdays.
If you have any information to share contact Mr Barnes on 01603 304 337 or visit barnesauctioneers.co.uk.

Monday 18 April 2011

Ooh and a little bit of That


So, at 3.30pm the Evening News call and say 'Can you meet our photographer at St Andrew's Hall at 4.30pm?' 'Of course, that's fine' I say. Check out the Norwich Evening News tomorrow to see what that is all about. Sitting in the sun, watching the world go by, outside the front of Cinema City - how glorious. To be in England, in the summertime with my love, close to the edit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sFK0-lcjGU How divine :-)

Mixed Lot


Decisions decisions decisions - which car boot sale to attend on a Sunday? In the end we opted for Banham over the perhaps more obvious (and closer) contenders of Hellesdon and Arminghall. Stalham was also a possible but, like Hellesdon, starts later and we were up and ready by 6.30am. Not sure of the weather we headed south as Banham is (partly) undercover. Not that we were the first to arrive - in fact we were one of the last. Still, we managed to secure a little spot undercover as hoped and started to set-up - one half of the stall being long-lost crap from the store room and the other half being baby-related crap that has been cluttering-up the house for far too long.

Not that Beth and I are competitive, but it was billed a little bit as Antiques versus Mothercare. Who would take the most money? At first I was concerned because everyone at Banham appeared to be pregnant - even the men. There may be some truth in the 'Norfolk Dumpling' because you don't find this bodyshape anywhere else - they kind of have a shelf fitted just under their saggy tits. Of course, some of the women (quite a few in fact) were actually pregnant, which gave Beth a head start. She sold things I didn't even know we had. Soon I started to catch-up with a few bits and pieces, but nothing over £5. Still, lots of small regular sales add up.

Most importantly, we sold the high chair. That was our primary aim for the day - it is huge, not so much a high chair as a multi-equipped nursery with service tray. I was looking around the stalls when Beth sold it and when I got back she told me that a tall beautiful blonde European woman would be coming to collect it any moment. Beth went to the loo and I started to brush my hair in anticipation of the arrival of an Eva Herzigova look-alike. A few minutes later a little short black bloke started to nick the chair 'Oi mate, that's sold!'

'It's mine, I just bought it' he said.

'I don't think so mate' he certainly wasn't blonde or beautiful or even female for that matter 'just leave it there!'

'My wife just told me to pick it up' and he pointed to Eva in the distance who waved and smiled to me as she opened the boot of their 4 x 4.

'Ah...'

Beth and I couldn't stop laughing at that.

Things got a little more serious the next time she went off. A great hulking Eastern European bloke asked me how much one of the quilted nursery books was. 'A pound each' I said, making it up as Beth hadn't priced anything.

'Do you think I am a fool?'

'Ha ha ha - no mate, very funny!'

'Do you think I am stupid?'

Despite holding the hand of a small child, this bloke just went into psychological meltdown before my eyes. He clearly wanted to kill me (quite a few people would like to do that, actually). At first I thought he was joking but then I realised that he was serious - all over the price of a book. Eventually, prompted by the relative safety of a supportive crowd of Dumplings, I said 'Either button it or go back to Lithuania'. Now that was a risky strategy...

'I don't give a fuck' he said, before wandering off muttering to himself.

By midday, and with an amount of money taken to have made it worthwhile, we returned to Norwich. I think Beth took a little more than me - I guess that to some people second-hand baby clothes are essential whereas a Victorian blue & white coffee pot is not.

Next Sunday it is the first Great Norwich Yard Sale of 2011 - check out http://www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk/The%20Great%20Norwich%20Yard%20Sale for more information.

Friday 15 April 2011

Mixed Lot


I am inspired to speculate on the events surrounding the discovery of the Mary Celeste on the 4th of December 1872. It may be that those on board the intact and seemingly seaworthy yet abandoned merchant ship had jumped overboard in a kind of mass suicide pact. Or they may have steered course a little too close to the Bermuda Triangle. Or they may have been eaten by the Kraken. However, whatever caused the mysterious disappearance of all on board will never be known for certain. Similarly, I am not sure that we will ever know where all of our customers were yesterday, although my guess is that it was something to do with the Easter holidays (Lord forgive me for saying but isn't it about time we got over that particular death - it was a long long time ago, after all).

Holidays and half-terms are not good for us and so we try to avoid them. Yesterday, however, we collided spectacularly, like Princess Diana in a tunnel. Talking of the Royal Family, I am not too happy about the forthcoming nuptials either because it will yet again interfere with trade. It's all very well getting excited about a transfer-printed mug imported from China bearing the words 'In Celebration of the Woyal Redding' but who is going to pay for it all? No one will be visiting antique fairs and auctions because the wretched ceremony will be beamed live on the BBC. Still, I suppose it will serve to reassure American tourists that at £20, a 1977 Silver Jubilee coin is a bargain...

Birds Eye exports to the Far East are non-existent. I know this because of the Thai girl who works at a local delicatessen/cafe that I frequent in central Norwich. Whilst serving me the other day she asked if I would like to try her noodles. Of course, I do like to nosh a noodle or two but commented that next time she would capture my trade more readily if she were to serve fish fingers.

'What fish fingers?' she asked.

'They are a breaded fish' I replied

'Nooooooo' she smiled, thinking I was joking 'you make fool of me!'

'No, I am serious, we English love fish fingers!'

'Nooooooo' she laughed 'fish not have fingers!'

'They are not fish fingers they are fish fingers!'

'Nooooooo' she said again.

'They are made by Bird's Eye'

'Nooooooo' she laughed again 'nobody eats bird's eyes - you make me smile!'

So, one of my tasks for today is to take her in a pack.

That Norwich has such a rich history dating back more than a thousand years is something that we all value and, in my opinion, has always been and continues to be enhanced by those settling here from far away. Once upon a time the Saxons and the Vikings. Later the Huguenots and the Flemish. And today from all over the globe. It'll help our DNA too - we don't want to become like our country cousins; all cross-eyed and six-fingered.

Last night was spent drowning our sorrows in The Doghouse (not that we sobbed for long - it was our first ever beating and you just have to take something like that on the chin - it was one battle, not the whole war). Seven of us around the table and as usual the conversation ebbed and flowed. Of course we covered the usual subjects - corporate strategy, human resources, planning and implementation - before agreeing that everything could be solved with another round. And then another. We even started a drinks kitty - proposed, and seconded before being put into action by The Union.

The Union consists of three members of my team. Their strength in advocacy is considerable in that whilst they are a numerical minority (more of my people are outside of The Union than inside) they make up three-quarters of The Quadrophonics (the fourth member of that particular group being yours truly). Confused? This often leads to delicate industrial relations - not easy when the vast majority of people within the inner-circle are socialists. To make matters worse, they were re-enforced last night by a good friend of ours who, despite graduating in politics, determined to remain of Marxist persuasion. I am not quite sure how someone can be educated to degree level and be a socialist but there it is. You would think that at some point during three years of cognitive development the penny would drop and they would abandon the principle in favour of something more sensible. I hope one day to found a charitable trust, dedicated to the salvation of those afflicted with this 20th Century Curse.

It's easy to spot a socialist because they only come in two guises:

1) Sub-human underclass/scrounger - claims Housing Benefit to pay for fags and ASDA vodka: likes to watch Jeremy Kyle most mornings (except for signing-on day): and thinks it's good parenting to pierce their three-month old baby girl's lobes with Argos earrings.

2) Lovely nice financially secure middle-class people - make regular donations to worthy causes: drink large glasses of pinot grigio: wear Karen Millen.

These two 'classes' of socialists are so far apart it makes me giggle. Because look closely enough and you will discover they make for uncomfortable bedfellows. Lovely nice socialists are happy to pay taxes to support the welfare of those less fortunate but there is absolutely no chance of them inviting Johnny UB40 round for supper. The dining tables of Cringleford and Eaton are not open to the social underclasses of Mile Cross and Lakenham. Duck with plum jus can never be preceded by Pot Noodle as a starter.

And so as the evening came to a close there was just time for one last volley of cannon fire from the lefties - at my recent posting re 'precision bombing the Germans'. Evidence of a mind prone to national elitism and the expense of others they argued. Not at all I countered. And then, just as the red flag was in the ascendancy it fell dramatically as one of the Marxist brethren shouted 'Yeah, but I don't like the fucking Algerians'

It's amazing how the veneer of socialist respectability can be lost in an alcoholic haze...


Wednesday 13 April 2011

Auction Lots




Our next General Auction including Antiques and valuables takes place tomorrow, Thursday 14th April 2011 at 2pm (public viewing from midday) at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. Here are some images from the sale - a full catalogue will be available in the saleroom.

Auction Lots






Our next General Auction including Antiques and valuables takes place tomorrow, Thursday 14th April 2011 at 2pm (public viewing from midday) at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. Here are some images from the sale - a full catalogue will be available in the saleroom.

Auction Lots






Our next General Auction including Antiques and valuables takes place tomorrow, Thursday 14th April 2011 at 2pm (public viewing from midday) at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. Here are some images from the sale - a full catalogue will be available in the saleroom.

Featured Lot



This is England. And in England we like to do things on time (unless you work for British Rail of course) - like precision bombing, for example. It's no good saying 'We'll bomb the Germans some time this evening'. No, it's important to bomb the Germans at 19.00 hours, precisely. Timekeeping is an integral part of who we are - we invented it after all (in Greenwich). These days, of course, everyone is buying quartz watches because they are highly accurate. That's fine if you live in a Bovis Home but actually owning an Accurist or a Sekonda says a lot about you - it says you are common as muck. Gentlemen (and ladies, naturally) prefer timepieces and what better than a 9ct gold pocket watch made in 1925 by the well respected A.L.Dennison which just happens to be our featured lot (no.190) in this week's auction with an estimate of £400-600.

Our General Auction including antiques and valuables takes place tomorrow (Thursday, 14th April 2011) at 2pm at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich (public viewing from midday). We'll be posting some more pictures up later this evening - so do pop back for more, at precicely 19.00 hours.

Tuesday 12 April 2011

Auction News

Our auctioneer, Gary Barnes, will be at St Andrew's Hall today between 10am and 4pm accepting lots for this week's auction. We'll also be taking in entries tomorrow (Wednesday) between 8am and 4pm. Barnes Auctioneers offer free valuations and advice too - so there is absolutely no obligation to sell.
The auction will take place this Thursday at 2pm (public viewing from midday) at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. Please do call us on 01603 304337 or 07810 646711 if you require further information or visit our 'official' website at www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk

Sunday 10 April 2011

Mixed Lot


It's really annoying to produce and pay for an all-new website only to find that the old (this) one still receives more visitors. Take this week as an example, the blog has received more than 500 unique visitors compared to http://www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk/ which has received just 144. Maybe it's because the blog is a little more current or maybe it's because I swear a lot.

The statistics make interesting reading. I'm particularly popular in France at the moment, and Serbia... Of course, the vast majority of visitors are local although not all are fans. In fact, many are enemies looking for cracks in my armour. There are many cracks in my armour - if I were the Hundred Years War it would be about now that Joan of Arc shows up. Bitch!

It's tough going at the moment on all fronts but I am hoping for my own heroine to sweep down and join me on the Road to Damascus. She and I had talks this week, about our future in business together and I am crossing everything I have that she will soon be with me. I have many friends and supporters and colleagues but there is nothing like a partner in crime. Did I say crime? I meant, antiques...

We've already had a giggle at some of the stories coming in from you guys about your experiences at The Cloisters Fair. Some of them couldn't possibly make it into next year's book celebrating our fortieth anniversary (see previous post) because they are too rude. One ex-stallholder told me that she had slept with three other dealers during her time at St Andrew's Hall. And one of them was a woman. Fascinating, but not really printable. Except here, of course, because I don't give a shit. Keep your stories coming though because in the words of the song 'It's all about you'.

It's our auction on Thursday and we're hoping for a good one. We do need things to sell though (just a minor point) so please do get in touch on 01603 304337 or 07810 647711. We're about to offer a new twist too - sooner rather than later - so watch this space.

I'd write more but Beth has just put the boys to bed and we have dinner to prepare and wine to consume. It's a Sunday so time to relax before the hurly burly...

Wednesday 6 April 2011

Mixed Lot


It's The Cloisters Fair today and I'm really looking forward to it. Of course, Fanny Craddock will complain that their table lights have gone off (try plugging them into the socket, dear) and Joe Bloggs will complain that Fanny smells (tell her, not me mate), but there it is. Of course someone will (still) moan about the 50p entrance fee and and someone else will ask if it is possible to just 'use the toilet' (try the hedge, buddy). And, of course, everyone will tell me I drink too much and ask when the new saleroom will be ready. Sometimes the whole thing makes me want to scream 'Get me out of here' like a jungle contestant, but not today. Today, although it is still early (see me at lunchtime), I am relaxed. Perhaps it is the way the calendar falls this month, which has resulted in an additional week between auctions. Perhaps it is a maturing of my personality. Or perhaps I am just in a very very good mood.

It feels like I have been the custodian of The Cloisters Fair for an eternity. We have a new stallholder joining us in two weeks time, selling vintage clothes. She will join a long line of dealers stretching back to October, 1972. I wondered, as we spoke, just how many people have stalled at The Cloisters during that time. What records I have would suggest that it could be as many as 5,000. Certainly, by the time we reach our 40th anniversay next year (expect a very special invitation-only evening celebration) we will have held the fair on no less than 2,000 occasions. I am writing an anecdotal account about The Cloisters Fair and would welcome your contributions. We have already agreed a deal with a book publisher so do send in your tales - you may find you end up in print!

There were ten dealers stalling at the first fair (which actually began in the old library on Guildhall Hill before moving to St Andrew's Hall in 1976) and today we will have sixteen. It's always been 'intimate'. There have been times when it has held a magnificent array of 'proper' antiques and other times when we've struggled to put a show on at all - one Saturday, in particular I recall just four of us filling the hall. Some stallholders come and go quite quickly whilst others stay for a long long time. No one individual dominates the history of The Cloisters Fair - its had five 'guardians' - instead it has its own life and persona.

I can remember my predecessor, Gabby, handing me her table plan one day and saying 'Do you want to run it?'. Much as she loved the fair, she felt that her time with it was up. We met a few days later, in a cafe in Aylsham, and I bought the fair for an undisclosed sum. Gabby was a hard act to follow because she was well loved and respected in the trade (and still is). She also has a nice arse.

It's fair to say that the past few years have been tough trading, with an ecomonic depression and many stallholders leaving (natural wastage - I only kicked a couple out). But this morning, looking at my table plan and comparing it to the one I inherited, I'm thinking 'these people with me today are my friends, not just my stallholders'. That's why I am smiling. That's why I am in a good mood. That's why I know I will enjoy today.

Sunday 3 April 2011

Mixed Lot


THIS IS A PERSONAL BLOG WITH HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL VIEWS AND EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. LEAVE NOW IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED. IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR INFORMATION ABOUT BARNES AUCTIONEERS THEN PLEASE VISIT http://www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk/

I don't like the Japanese very much. Any country that is responsible for the pixallation of pornography and eating shark fin soup cannot possibly rank amongst the enlightened elite. I don't buy their continued attempts to distance themselves from the crimes of war either - we all know that their natural instinct for cruelty cannot be contained for long. It's only a matter of time before they invade Burma and start slitting bellies again... The 'Land of the Rising Sun' (perhaps they should change that post-tsunami to 'Land of the Rising Waters') is responsible, however, for the single most devastating ongoing environmental disaster the world suffers - the mass production of modern plastic shit. That's why, when the Japanese tourist looking in my flat display case yesterday bought absolutely nothing, I was very relieved. Because if she had bought something, it would have been evidence to support the argument that my stock needs an injection of quality.

We had a few tourists visit The Cloisters Fair yesterday including a lovely woman from Toronto in Canada. She collects fire hose nozzles (!!) and I happened to have an antique copper one on my stall (!!). Not only did she take that but several other things too. She looked in my cabinet (minutes after the daughter of Nippon) and said 'I'll have that and that and that'. We like Canadians! I've been to Toronto in Canada and to an amazing antique centre there. The Canadians (like the Americans) have a natural interest in old stuff and are usually enthusiastic and surprisingly knowledgeable about antiques. More Americans and Canadians please: fewer Japanese.

One stallholder yesterday achieved a long-held ambition of mine in selling everything on his table. 'I don't want to take anything home' he said to me 'Can I put it all in the auction?' Of course, I was happy to oblige but before I managed to collect my thoughts on the matter he sold the lot to a visiting trader. Dan and I attempted to buy Bill the Toe's entire stall too but our valuations were somewhat different and the deal fell onto stony ground. I've had some success with pictures of late, not that they are my natural habitat, and curently have a number in on consignment including an absolutely super John Thirtle (1777-1839 Norwich School).

We visited Fakenham on Thursday and went into the 'new shed' at James Beck's place. It's certainly lighter and brighter than the previous one. Tom bought a few things including an ornately decorated High Victorian ceramic cheese dish from the nearby antique centre. I came away with absolutely nothing but then I'm getting fussy in my old age...

It's all in the buying though - that's where the battles are lost and won. Next week I am determined to buy and to that end will almost certainly go to at least two sales. There are so many to choose from - Aylsham on a Monday, Watton on a Tuesday, etc etc - that I am spoilt for choice. No doubt I'll end up where the wind takes me, it's just an adventure after all. It's an amazing adventure, vibrant and full of life. There are pit-stops too (mainly in pubs) because we can do that whenever we want. We are adults after all - just not very grown up. The evidence to support that was in Delaney's during the week and in 'The Fruit Based System'. We still play that game (which began in Tallinn in Estonia in 2006) - and so can you, so here is a little reminder:

1) Raspberry

2) Blueberry

3) Strawberry

4) Kiwi fruit

5) Melon

6) Apricot

7) Orange

8) Apple

9) Rhubarb

10) Lemon

And, of course 1001 variations of it. Pathetic nonsense - yes. Past its sell-by date - of course. Still hilarious after a couple of pints - definitely.

I could go to The Range or Homebase and become a dab hand at DIY. Or I could buy the complete set of Star Wars films and watch them from the comfort of my DFS sofa. Or I could drink tea and eat biscuits. Maybe I should do those things - the things that normal people do. But I don't understand them. Think I'll stick to hallmarks and alcohol.