Thursday 9 June 2011

Mixed Lot




It's been a while since I posted. And I'm not about to explain why or say much more than this blog is shutting down. Please visit http://www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk/ for future information.

I leave you with a picture of some 1930's Venetian glass beads - just one of the many super lots we have in our General Auction including Antiques & Collectables on Wednesday, 22nd June 2011 at 1pm (public viewing from 11am).

"Wipe the tear baby dear from your eye"

Tuesday 7 June 2011

Auction Update



Our next General Auction including Antiques & Valuables will take place at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich on Wednesday, 22nd June at 1pm (public viewing from 11am).

Amongst the lots are some super banknotes including this 1952 £5 note signed by P.S. Beale, Chief Cashier

The Cloisters Fair will be on tomorrow 8am-3pm as usual but not next week (15th) as St Andrew's Hall is not available to us.

Please telephone 01603 304337 or 07810 646711 for more information.

Tuesday 31 May 2011

Auction Update














Our next General Auction including Antiques & Valuables takes place at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich tomorrow (Wednesday) at 1pm (public viewing from midday). Here are just some of the lots we have in the sale including:

LOT 43 - Victorian photograph album Est 10-20

LOT 144 - Two WW1 medals - both Cpl W. Butler, Royal Artillery Est 40-60

LOT 9 - Taxidermy of a jay bird Est 10-20

LOT 190 - Original 1862 Colt police pistol in box with accessories Est 1,000-1,200

LOT 58 - US police cap Est 20-30 (as modelled by the luscious Linda Brady - our most senior condottieri)

We also have a heavy gents 9ct gold ring, a Rolex hunter pocket watch, and a Newlyn Arts & Crafts copper bowl - just some of the little gems in store for you. Don't forget that we will still be accepting entries for tomorrow's sale right up until 10am!

Whilst you are with us you will also be able to visit The Cloisters Fair 8am-3pm 50p entry (free before 9am).

Auction News



Our next General Auction including Antiques & Valuables will take place at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich tomorrow, Wednesday 1st June 2011 at 1pm (public viewing from 11am).

We are accepting entries at St Andrew's Hall between 10am and 4pm today and tomorrow. Do remember that our auction takes place now every Wednesday to coincide with The Cloisters Fair and that you can bring in your lots on any Tuesday or Wednesday.

Please do check back here later for some images from tomorrow's sale.

Monday 23 May 2011

Weekly Update



Just to remind you that we have three events on at St Andrew's Hall this week:

1) General Auction - Wednesday, 25th May at 1pm (public viewing from 11am) - we will be accepting lots for this sale throughout Tuesday 10am-4pm and on the morning of the sale until 10am

2) The Cloisters Fair - Wednesday, 25th and Saturday, 28th May 8am-3pm (4pm Saturday) 50p entry (free to Trade before 9am)

Please note that we are having update problems with our main website www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk at present - please visit here for updates at present

Wednesday 18 May 2011

General Auction Today











It's our General Auction today at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. The sale starts at 1pm with public viewing from 11am. Of course, whilst at St Andrew's Hall you are also able to visit The Cloisters Fair 8am-3pm 50p entry (free to Trade before 9am)

Monday 16 May 2011

Auction News







Our next General Auction will take place at St Andrew’s Hall in Norwich at 1pm on Wednesday, 18th May 2011 with public viewing from 11am.

We will be accepting entries for the sale between 10am and 4pm tomorrow (Tuesday) and until 11am on Wednesday morning.

Illustrated we have three super lots:
LOT 95 – Gold-plated Rolex hunter pocket watch
LOT 190 – 9ct gold Rotary gents wind-up watch
LOT 194 – Victorian carved bog oak in form of an Irish harp

Please note the following changes to our selling format:
1) General sales held at St Andrew’s Hall in Norwich every Wednesday at 1pm and including antiques & valuables on the first Wednesday of every month.
2) Public viewing from 11am onwards.
3) Entries accepted every Tuesday between 10am and 4pm at St Andrew’s Hall and on Wednesdays between 8am and 4pm. Other times available by appointment – just call us to arrange a mutually convenient time.
4) Private viewings for the antiques & valuables auction available by appointment on the Tuesday prior to sale day – just call us to arrange a mutually convenient time.

Monday 9 May 2011

Mixed Lot



Once upon a time when my life was known to me, I charged about the Kingdom in search of treasure. Sometimes, I found nothing but that hardly mattered as I holed up in the corner of a pub garden somewhere. What I didn't know then, but know now, is that there is a pub in North Norfolk with an antique centre alongside it. Hang on - pub and antique centre? Heaven!

And so it was that we visited Keys of Aylsham today. It was a bit like visiting your Great Aunt -predictable and smelly. My Great Aunt used to serve up tinned salmon on a bed of lettuce. It made me want to vomit. So we left Aylsham and headed for The Three Horseshoes at Scottow - yes, the pub with an antique centre alongside it.

Douglas Bader used to drink at The Three Horeshoes. That's historic. Now it has converted a barn alongside the pub into an antique centre of exceptional quality. We wanted to buy everything but it's all in the margins and the place is priced for the Chelsea Weekenders. No profits for boys with notes in pocket.

I did buy a little bit today - nothing that worth mentioning but enough to pay for our drinks in the Ribs of Beef later on in the afternoon. Deals are done over pints and today was no exception - significant news coming soon. The number of fish we saw in the River Wensum - partly attracted by dry roasted peanuts - was astounding. The beers flowed once more. The laughter in the sun and the tales and traumas and tittle tattle of it all. Oh, how wonderful to be an antique dealer in England in the summertime.

Friday 6 May 2011

Mixed Lot




THIS IS AN ADULT POST - If you are an uptight middle-class Liberal Democrat then please leave now. If you are looking to become a valued customer of Barnes Auctioneers then please visit http://www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk/ where I promise we're a little more professional.



I hate those late night conversations that start 'How many people have you slept with?' That's because, whatever the reality, it's important to walk a steady line between truths. On the one hand, too many and you look like a (man)slut, too few and you look like a weedy virgin. The bottom line is that it is good to be experienced but not to the extent that you frighten the shit out of the person you are about to sleep with. I should point out that I haven't had a conversation such as this for many years (being a happily married man) but last week I had to advise someone who had been asked the question by a potential girlfriend.


'Eight' I said.


'Eight?'


'Yes, eight!'


'That's not many!'


'No, but it means you know your way around but are not a tart. How many have you slept with?'


'Thirty'


Now let's do the sexual partner calculation:


1) MAN TELLS MAN X DIVIDE BY THREE


2) MAN TELLS WOMAN X DIVIDE BY TWO


3) WOMAN TELLS MAN X MULTIPLY BY THREE


4) WOMAN TELLS WOMAN X MULTIPLY BY TWO


'So, you've slept with about ten women?'


'Yes'


'Well then - just be honest'


'That doesn't sound like very many'


'I think ten is ok' I said reassuringly (lied).


What has all this got to do with antiques? Not much really, except that it's a mistake to believe everything everyone ever says or writes. Take this blog, for example - it's rooted in real soil but one or two (not all) of the fruits are plastic. Our auction on Wednesday may have been dreadful (it was actually - for many reasons that have now been addressed) but I'm not about to say or write that publicly. What I would actually say is that 'we enjoyed Wednesday's sale and look forward to the next one on 18th May'. See what I mean? When I say 'Barnes Auctioneers goes from strength to strength' what I actually mean is 'Barnes Auctioneers hasn't gone under yet'.


I believe that's it's best to be so outrageous that it must be true (or do I?) An example:


'Here we have LOT 26 - a mixed lot of sheet music. And I can tell you that this sheet music used to be the personal property of John Lennon'.


After all, where does myth and legend come from? Robin Hood was actually a violent criminal. Richard the Lionheart was actually French. And Jesus Christ was a regular shaver (somehow in time that got mistranslated as 'saviour'). We all put our own spin on things. Look at Alisdair Campbell (I'd rather not) who last told the truth in 1977. Look at Donald Trump: businessman, career publicist, and master of misinformation. He says his hair is real and we sort of accept that because we want to believe it to be true (even though it's clearly been shaven from the head of a teenage prostitue in the outskirts of Moscow and shipped out to him at great expense). His claim is so outrageous that we kind of go with it.


Decisons on catalogue descriptions really bring this into focus. Gemma and I looked at a Norfolk Pattern Royal Doulton cup and saucer pre-sale and decided not to put 'A/F' alonside the description even though there was a large (contemporary) crack along one side of the cup. Possibly we did that because one would expect a 150 year old cup to be less than perfect. Another argument is that we did it to deceive. Actually, we did it because we are marketing our lots, not putting them down.


Our Terms & Conditions make it very clear that we expect potential buyers to inspect lots before bidding on them. We all have different opinions. Another example - on Thursday we had a Victorian bracelet. Potential descriptions included:


1) Victorian 18ct gold turquoise & seed pearl bracelet Est 200-300


2) Victorian 18ct rolled gold bracelet Est 80-120


3) Victorian pincbeck bracelet A/F Est 40-60


I judged that it was 'yellow metal' and estimated it accordingly. After the sale, one customer told me that it was gold 'Possibly, but it's not marked' I said 'And one of our jewellery people thinks that it is actually pinchbeck'. Pinchbeck is a yellow metal that was common in the 19th Century, used as a substitute for gold.


I think it's best to, wherever possible, tell the truth and nothing but the truth but there are times when a little bit of marketing spin is good. So I have a Victorian bracelet 'It could be gold' even if it's probably not. I haven't lied.


Two days later, my friend reported back 'Thirty-one!'


'Eleven!'


'Sorry, yes eleven!'


'Back of the net!'


'And she said it was the best she had ever had...'


'Yeah, she probably lied mate...'

Tuesday 3 May 2011

Additional Lots for Tomorrow's Sale














Our next General Auction including Antiques & Valuables will take place at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich tomorrow, Wednesday 4th May 2011, at 2pm (with public viewing from midday).
It is our new practice to accept lots up to 10am on the morning of the sale - so please do bring your entries down tomorrow morning.
A catalogue will be made available in the saleroom from midday.
Here we have seven lots from the sale:
LOT 1 - Pair of glass vases Est 20-30
LOT 197 - Victorian turquoise & yellow metal brooch/pendant* Est 20-30
LOT 198 - Victorian snuff box* Est 10-20
LOT 195 - Large silver-plated (over copper) punch bowl* Est 40-60
LOTs 2/44/74/127 - Mixed lot of collectable salt & peppers (one pair illustrated) Est 20-30
LOT 136 - Hallmarked silver candle snuffer* Est 20-30
LOT 181 - Victorian yellow metal bracelet* Est 80-120

Please see http://www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk/ for full Terms & Conditions

Selection of Lots from Tomorrow's Sale










Our next General Auction including Antiques & Valuables will take place at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich tomorrow, Wednesday 4th May 2011, at 2pm (with public viewing from midday).
It is our new practice to accept lots up to 10am on the morning of the sale - so please do bring your entries down tomorrow morning. A catalogue will be made available in the saleroom from midday.
Here we have five lots from the sale:
LOT 177 - 9ct yellow gold gents diamond set signet ring* Est 200-300
LOT 187 - 18ct yellow gold emerald (0.48ct) & diamond (0.90ct) flower cluster ring* Est 800-1,000
LOT 186 - Bag of mixed broken jewellery etc* Est 10-20
LOT 108 - Antique cast iron roller for leather shoe manufacture Est 40-60
LOT 93 - Magic lantern Est 30-40

Please see http://www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk/ for full Terms & Conditions

Auction Update

Our next General Auction including Antiques & Valuables will take place at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich tomorrow, Wednesday, 4th May 2011 at 2pm (public viewing from midday).
Pictured, are a pair of Satsuma earthenware vases recently back from Sotheby's Paris office where they were dated to 1860. Our estimate - £600-800 (LOT 200). We also have a good selection of jewellery and ceramics in the auction tomorrow.
Our sales now take place on the first and third Wednesday of every month to coincide with The Cloisters Fair. To promote this change we have decided to remove the entrance charge for the fair for this week only.

Sunday 1 May 2011

Mixed Lot

I am shattered. That's because I was up at 2am this morning and by 7am was zipping down the A146 to Beccles and the antique street market where Daniel, Helen and I sold for England. Antique dealing is a little bit like gambling on the horses - it's all too easy to back a loser. Today, however, our nag came home a 16-1 winner. All three of us returned home with a fistful of dollars and we'll be back for more of the same on the 4th September (double stall please Kate - you promised!)
Selling in a small country Suffolk town is rather different to trading in Norwich - there are more farmers for starters. It's all rather more genteel too - thieves and homeless people are notable by their absence. All of the people were very nice and more than happy to spend their money. How wonderful. A bit of sun and a lot of shade. A lot of wind too and a hog roast. No hint of hostility or hassle or humbug. A lot of laughter and a bit of gossip. Most enjoyable and profitable. Well done to the organisers.
Arriving home to a glass of red and a home-cooked stew; how divine. Over dinner, I asked Henry why he stuck Easter egg foil so far up his nostril that Beth thought he would have to go to hospital (until it was eventually blown-out) 'I don't know' he answered before rolling his bread between both palms to create a 'sausage'. Take a glimpse into my world and wonder at what might happen next...

Friday 29 April 2011

Mixed Lot



Helen, Daniel and I will be heading south on Sunday to stall at the annual Beccles antique street market. The weather forecast is good and we are looking forward to it.

One of the great things about our trade is that we are all (mostly) friends. The stallholders will all know each other and, although we're there to sell, it will be quite the party atmosphere. We did discuss taking a gazebo (having wimped out because of the rain last year) but actually I can't be arsed. It's not going to rain - just like it didn't rain on Kate and William today.

On that issue - wasn't the wedding wonderful? Beth and I watched most of it and I must confess to a little tear or three (see, I am a softie really). Some of my friends were dismissive of it, critical of the expense, political when faced with the romantic occasion. What sad fucks they are. If we can't celebrate love and romance as a nation then we are no nation at all.

I could write a bit more about all that or I could cuddle up with my wife on the settee. So bye bye.

Ps - see you at Beccles on Sunday.

Thursday 28 April 2011

The Cloisters Fair - offers invited



Barnes Auctioneers are today, following discussions with Norwich City Council, announcing the sale of The Cloisters antiques and collectables fair.

Gary Barnes of Barnes Auctioneers bought the fair, which is based at St Andrew's Hall, from the previous organiser back in 2007 and gradually incorporated it into his own business. However, expansion plans for the auction rooms will leave less time to manage the fair and Mr Barnes feels that the time is right to sell.

'The Cloisters Fair is a super little stand-alone business' he explained 'but it needs more attention than we have been able to give it of late. Ideally, we are looking for someone to take it on who has experience of the antiques trade but that's not essential because actually it's more about managing an event and working with people'

The antique fair has been trading in the city centre every Wednesday for almost forty years and offers an established part-time income with unlimited potential.

Mr Barnes stated 'We're looking for someone to come in with a sensible offer and won't sell unless the price is right. We're not abandoning the fair either - our business will still be based at St Andrew's Hall and we intend to continue supporting the fair working alongside the new owner'

Anyone interested in further information about the antique fair can call Mr Barnes on 01603 304337 or email barnesauctioneers@btinternet.com

Tuesday 26 April 2011

AUCTION UPDATE

Please accept our apologies for the late notice but this Thursday's General Auction including Antiques & Valuables has been moved back to next Wednesday, 4th May at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. Public viewing is from midday with the sale commencing at 2pm.
We are accepting entries all day tomorrow and Saturday at The Cloisters Fair. Please contact us on 01603 304337 or 07810 646711 or email barnesauctioneers@btinternet.com

Saturday 23 April 2011

Mixed Lot


There are few things dumber than a socialist in a polling booth but the colleague that bet £20 against me doubling my money on a broken Conway Stewart fountain pen is a prime candidate. That's because fountain pen collectors are usually retired, wealthy, and obsessive in acquisition. They are good buyers in a buoyant market and, let's be honest, the proletariat don't buy fountain pens because they can't even write. In fact, the great unwashed typically use a thumbprint to sign-on the dotted dole line. Most of us may be tightening the purse strings, but not fountain pen collectors.
Unusually, I found the pen in a charity shop in Diss. I say unusually because it's rare these days to find anything that hasn't been nicked out of the backroom of a charity shop. Five pens for £30, except that four were Bics 'Is it possible to just buy the one?' I asked the assistant.
'I'll go and ask the manager' came the reply.
Now, here is the problem - as soon as I took the loupe from my pocket and inspected the green marbled Conway Stewart fountain pen closely in front of the entire shop, it became clear to all and sundry that I was an antique dealer. The volunteer, armed with that knowledge and concerned that the shop may have missed something, went to speak to the boss. Of course, they had underestimated the pen: Conway Stewart are one of the most popular quality makes and this one had a 14ct gold nib. Even damaged, it was a good find.
The assistant returned 'We can let you have that one for £15'
There are arguments for and against negotiating with charity shops. Having worked in the charity sector for many years, I use my discretion. In this instance I simply questioned '£30 for 5 or £15 for just one?'
No negotiation was required, the volunteer instantly capitulated and the deal was done at £10. My friend and I then retired to the local where we sank a jar over three games of pool (which I shouldn't have but did win 2-1).
What did the pen make? Well, that's between me and my maker (oh, and the twit I have to go and collect my £20 from).

Thursday 21 April 2011

Mixed Lot


Five years ago today I married Beth at Seckford Hall in Suffolk. It was in every sense a dream wedding as was our honeymoon in Cuba. My platform, what I do in life, and how I am able to conduct it is only possible because of Beth. She has always supported me, even when I have let her down. She is my sanctuary - I know and trust her and love her like no other. My path is unconventional, to say the least, and many have joined me for part of the journey but none more so than her. My target is so far into the distance that I have absolutely no idea whether or not I will hit it, just an inner-belief that I will. That she allows me to take the shot at all is testament to her confidence in me. That she has confidence in me gives me confidence in us and steadies my hand. If I miss it will not be for a lack of support from her. I have no intention of missing.

Norwich Evening News Article in Full


A city antiques fair is gearing up to celebrate its 40th anniversary – and wants to hear from local people with memories of it in bygone times.
Gary Barnes, organiser of the historic Antiques and Collectables Fair at the Cloisters in St Andrew’s Hall is putting a book together to celebrate its 40-year run. By October 2012 the fair will have been held 2,000 times. The fair first began trading in October 1972 in the Old Library off Guildhall Hill in the city centre, but not much else is known about its origins.
Mr Barnes, 44, of Yarmouth Road, Thorpe St Andrew, is appealing to any local people who have come into contact with the fair and might be able to shed light on its history.
Mr Barnes said: “I believe it to have been set up by a co-operative of ten auctioneers and I have an old newspaper clipping about the fair from 1972, but it says nothing about who set it up.
“We want to know more about the history of it and the people involved in it.”
He would particularly like to draw up a list of everyone who has ever traded at the fair, which is thought to be thousands of people.
Mr Barnes runs Barnes Auctioneers of Norwich with his daughter Gemma, 21, and took on the running of the fair four years ago. Mr Barnes said the fair’s appeal lies in its variety. It also reflects the thriving vintage scene in Norwich.
His favourite memory of his years in charge is of an American woman who bought a 1970s reprint of the Domesday Book. He said: “I tried to explain that it was a copy, but she wouldn’t listen. She paid me £5 and ran out of the hall shouting to her husband ‘I just bought the Domesday Book, let’s get out of here before they realise what it’s worth!’
The fair is held every Wednesday in St. Andrew’s Hall, Norwich, from 9am-4pm and on selected Saturdays.
If you have any information to share contact Mr Barnes on 01603 304 337 or visit barnesauctioneers.co.uk.

Monday 18 April 2011

Ooh and a little bit of That


So, at 3.30pm the Evening News call and say 'Can you meet our photographer at St Andrew's Hall at 4.30pm?' 'Of course, that's fine' I say. Check out the Norwich Evening News tomorrow to see what that is all about. Sitting in the sun, watching the world go by, outside the front of Cinema City - how glorious. To be in England, in the summertime with my love, close to the edit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sFK0-lcjGU How divine :-)

Mixed Lot


Decisions decisions decisions - which car boot sale to attend on a Sunday? In the end we opted for Banham over the perhaps more obvious (and closer) contenders of Hellesdon and Arminghall. Stalham was also a possible but, like Hellesdon, starts later and we were up and ready by 6.30am. Not sure of the weather we headed south as Banham is (partly) undercover. Not that we were the first to arrive - in fact we were one of the last. Still, we managed to secure a little spot undercover as hoped and started to set-up - one half of the stall being long-lost crap from the store room and the other half being baby-related crap that has been cluttering-up the house for far too long.

Not that Beth and I are competitive, but it was billed a little bit as Antiques versus Mothercare. Who would take the most money? At first I was concerned because everyone at Banham appeared to be pregnant - even the men. There may be some truth in the 'Norfolk Dumpling' because you don't find this bodyshape anywhere else - they kind of have a shelf fitted just under their saggy tits. Of course, some of the women (quite a few in fact) were actually pregnant, which gave Beth a head start. She sold things I didn't even know we had. Soon I started to catch-up with a few bits and pieces, but nothing over £5. Still, lots of small regular sales add up.

Most importantly, we sold the high chair. That was our primary aim for the day - it is huge, not so much a high chair as a multi-equipped nursery with service tray. I was looking around the stalls when Beth sold it and when I got back she told me that a tall beautiful blonde European woman would be coming to collect it any moment. Beth went to the loo and I started to brush my hair in anticipation of the arrival of an Eva Herzigova look-alike. A few minutes later a little short black bloke started to nick the chair 'Oi mate, that's sold!'

'It's mine, I just bought it' he said.

'I don't think so mate' he certainly wasn't blonde or beautiful or even female for that matter 'just leave it there!'

'My wife just told me to pick it up' and he pointed to Eva in the distance who waved and smiled to me as she opened the boot of their 4 x 4.

'Ah...'

Beth and I couldn't stop laughing at that.

Things got a little more serious the next time she went off. A great hulking Eastern European bloke asked me how much one of the quilted nursery books was. 'A pound each' I said, making it up as Beth hadn't priced anything.

'Do you think I am a fool?'

'Ha ha ha - no mate, very funny!'

'Do you think I am stupid?'

Despite holding the hand of a small child, this bloke just went into psychological meltdown before my eyes. He clearly wanted to kill me (quite a few people would like to do that, actually). At first I thought he was joking but then I realised that he was serious - all over the price of a book. Eventually, prompted by the relative safety of a supportive crowd of Dumplings, I said 'Either button it or go back to Lithuania'. Now that was a risky strategy...

'I don't give a fuck' he said, before wandering off muttering to himself.

By midday, and with an amount of money taken to have made it worthwhile, we returned to Norwich. I think Beth took a little more than me - I guess that to some people second-hand baby clothes are essential whereas a Victorian blue & white coffee pot is not.

Next Sunday it is the first Great Norwich Yard Sale of 2011 - check out http://www.barnesauctioneers.co.uk/The%20Great%20Norwich%20Yard%20Sale for more information.

Friday 15 April 2011

Mixed Lot


I am inspired to speculate on the events surrounding the discovery of the Mary Celeste on the 4th of December 1872. It may be that those on board the intact and seemingly seaworthy yet abandoned merchant ship had jumped overboard in a kind of mass suicide pact. Or they may have steered course a little too close to the Bermuda Triangle. Or they may have been eaten by the Kraken. However, whatever caused the mysterious disappearance of all on board will never be known for certain. Similarly, I am not sure that we will ever know where all of our customers were yesterday, although my guess is that it was something to do with the Easter holidays (Lord forgive me for saying but isn't it about time we got over that particular death - it was a long long time ago, after all).

Holidays and half-terms are not good for us and so we try to avoid them. Yesterday, however, we collided spectacularly, like Princess Diana in a tunnel. Talking of the Royal Family, I am not too happy about the forthcoming nuptials either because it will yet again interfere with trade. It's all very well getting excited about a transfer-printed mug imported from China bearing the words 'In Celebration of the Woyal Redding' but who is going to pay for it all? No one will be visiting antique fairs and auctions because the wretched ceremony will be beamed live on the BBC. Still, I suppose it will serve to reassure American tourists that at £20, a 1977 Silver Jubilee coin is a bargain...

Birds Eye exports to the Far East are non-existent. I know this because of the Thai girl who works at a local delicatessen/cafe that I frequent in central Norwich. Whilst serving me the other day she asked if I would like to try her noodles. Of course, I do like to nosh a noodle or two but commented that next time she would capture my trade more readily if she were to serve fish fingers.

'What fish fingers?' she asked.

'They are a breaded fish' I replied

'Nooooooo' she smiled, thinking I was joking 'you make fool of me!'

'No, I am serious, we English love fish fingers!'

'Nooooooo' she laughed 'fish not have fingers!'

'They are not fish fingers they are fish fingers!'

'Nooooooo' she said again.

'They are made by Bird's Eye'

'Nooooooo' she laughed again 'nobody eats bird's eyes - you make me smile!'

So, one of my tasks for today is to take her in a pack.

That Norwich has such a rich history dating back more than a thousand years is something that we all value and, in my opinion, has always been and continues to be enhanced by those settling here from far away. Once upon a time the Saxons and the Vikings. Later the Huguenots and the Flemish. And today from all over the globe. It'll help our DNA too - we don't want to become like our country cousins; all cross-eyed and six-fingered.

Last night was spent drowning our sorrows in The Doghouse (not that we sobbed for long - it was our first ever beating and you just have to take something like that on the chin - it was one battle, not the whole war). Seven of us around the table and as usual the conversation ebbed and flowed. Of course we covered the usual subjects - corporate strategy, human resources, planning and implementation - before agreeing that everything could be solved with another round. And then another. We even started a drinks kitty - proposed, and seconded before being put into action by The Union.

The Union consists of three members of my team. Their strength in advocacy is considerable in that whilst they are a numerical minority (more of my people are outside of The Union than inside) they make up three-quarters of The Quadrophonics (the fourth member of that particular group being yours truly). Confused? This often leads to delicate industrial relations - not easy when the vast majority of people within the inner-circle are socialists. To make matters worse, they were re-enforced last night by a good friend of ours who, despite graduating in politics, determined to remain of Marxist persuasion. I am not quite sure how someone can be educated to degree level and be a socialist but there it is. You would think that at some point during three years of cognitive development the penny would drop and they would abandon the principle in favour of something more sensible. I hope one day to found a charitable trust, dedicated to the salvation of those afflicted with this 20th Century Curse.

It's easy to spot a socialist because they only come in two guises:

1) Sub-human underclass/scrounger - claims Housing Benefit to pay for fags and ASDA vodka: likes to watch Jeremy Kyle most mornings (except for signing-on day): and thinks it's good parenting to pierce their three-month old baby girl's lobes with Argos earrings.

2) Lovely nice financially secure middle-class people - make regular donations to worthy causes: drink large glasses of pinot grigio: wear Karen Millen.

These two 'classes' of socialists are so far apart it makes me giggle. Because look closely enough and you will discover they make for uncomfortable bedfellows. Lovely nice socialists are happy to pay taxes to support the welfare of those less fortunate but there is absolutely no chance of them inviting Johnny UB40 round for supper. The dining tables of Cringleford and Eaton are not open to the social underclasses of Mile Cross and Lakenham. Duck with plum jus can never be preceded by Pot Noodle as a starter.

And so as the evening came to a close there was just time for one last volley of cannon fire from the lefties - at my recent posting re 'precision bombing the Germans'. Evidence of a mind prone to national elitism and the expense of others they argued. Not at all I countered. And then, just as the red flag was in the ascendancy it fell dramatically as one of the Marxist brethren shouted 'Yeah, but I don't like the fucking Algerians'

It's amazing how the veneer of socialist respectability can be lost in an alcoholic haze...


Wednesday 13 April 2011

Auction Lots




Our next General Auction including Antiques and valuables takes place tomorrow, Thursday 14th April 2011 at 2pm (public viewing from midday) at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. Here are some images from the sale - a full catalogue will be available in the saleroom.

Auction Lots






Our next General Auction including Antiques and valuables takes place tomorrow, Thursday 14th April 2011 at 2pm (public viewing from midday) at St Andrew's Hall in Norwich. Here are some images from the sale - a full catalogue will be available in the saleroom.