Mixed Lot

Just because people now pay 50p to come into The Cloisters Fair doesn't give them the right to lecture us about the business. Before we charged 50p we were immune to their 'words of wisdom'. They could wander in and wander out at will. Now we are exposed and vulnerable to verbal assault at that point at which a small coin is handed over. Most are pleasant and we like those people. Some however, smell like a tramp's arsehole and like nothing more than to give us a 'piece of their mind'. That's quite dangerous for some of them because in giving us a 'piece of their mind' they are not leaving very much left with which to function.

Of course, there is a pressure from the stallholders to get bodies into the fair. They subscribe to the argument that the greater the footfall the greater the chance of selling. This is, I accept, technically correct and it is for this reason only that we put up with so many pompous and unpleasant people. When someone says 'You have a nerve charging me 50p to come into buy something - it's a disgrace!' I want to say 'The last time you actually bought anything here was in 1973 and then you asked for a BOGOF so BOGOFF you fat unemployed lazy dirty smelly tight wad fanny' but what I actually say is 'Oh, I am sorry you feel that way - we value your custom and hope that you'll see something in there that you like today'.

It feels like I am selling my soul for 50p - actually, Daniel mans the door most of the day - and to him I take my hat off. If I had a hat to take off. I don't wear a hat because I am not bald - only bald men wear hats (to cover up their baldness). I don't know why they do that because bald is not a bad look.

However, in charging 50p entry, we have seen a very small proportion of people turn away (5% at most and falling). What sort of person won't pay 50p to come into an antique fair? I can feel a list coming on:

1. The timewasters 'I used to have one of those when I was a girl'

2. The hoi-polloi 'I'd like to buy that but I don't have any money until I get my Giro on Tuesday'

3. The half-wits (pointing at a vase) 'Could that be used for flowers?'

4. The mean (usually monied) '50p!'

5. The drug addicts 'I only want to use the toilet mate'

6. The self-important 'You wouldn't charge me, would you? I mean, I am me. I am. I am.'

7. The unsupportive 'Yes, we're friends but I can't support this.'

Frankly, we can do without these people. However, they are not the biggest problem - the biggest problem are the people who continue to insist on coming in even though we don't actually want them to come in. The ones that can't hand over 50p without infecting us with their demeanor as they do so.

All of that said, The Cloisters Fair continues to remain a vibrant slice of life in the heart of Norwich's city centre. The vast majority of people who are connected with the fair in some way are supportive and add a richness to it that goes beyond mere coinage. Most of us are friends and colleagues and most are welcome. The banter and the laughter and the drama of it all is worthy of a soap opera on primetime television.

We had a good sale yesterday - our best since November of last year. Green shoots seem to be appearing on the tree that is the antiques trade. It's easy to be pessimistic - two antiques shops shut in the centre of Norwich last week - but that's never been my bag. We may have been set back by the events of last October but that has only served to strengthen our resolve. The only place we are going is up.

After the auction, we celebrated Linda's birthday in the Ali Tandoori on Magdalen Street. It's the best known Indian restaurant in Norwich. The friendliest too. She is a darling (Linda) and the only one of my 'Merrie Bande' that has put up with me from the beginning. She (like the rest of us) will be back at St Andrew's Hall tomorrow (Saturday) where we'll do the whole thing all over again.